And the Reason is you....
Youtube. 'Maybe' to say something without saying it. But how would I know. Fear had taken over me. It wasnt the only thing on my mind. Happiness. Sadness. Guilt. Unable to express either. Frustration.
Its strange how fear plays with the mind. People run away from their fears. I run away from my fears. Humans distinguish themselves on emotions. They scare me. I fear being attached to something, to someone. I let go of things. I have never come down to expression. The mind can get all logical it wants to but the heart does run wild. And as before, in the battle of the heart and the mind, the heart hopes that the mind would be a little more considerate and the mind hopes that the heart is a little less fearful.
The song played on my guilt all night. I had never been more disappointed of myself. First time in distinct memory I shout at someone. Someone I really like being around. Maybe I was angry because she wasnt helping me run away from my fears. She wants me to face them. Sounds like the right thing to do.
Fairy tales were told for a reason. There is a reason that the lion looked for courage where the scarecrow wanted a brain and the tinman desired a heart. Courage is necessary to deal with all your fears. Thats when you grow as a person. Thats when life gets more meaning. Fearful existence is flawed.
There is a need to deal with my own emotions. When I thought I was falling for her I ran away. Like before. She wouldnt let me. 'Not my style' she said. I had to deal with myself.
I have to deal with myself.
3 comments:
As I read through the 'reason' you articulated,
I did not follow the blog as instructed.
I took a peak at what then seemed like a parody of ' Susanna's seven husbands,'
And now I wish I had followed your instructions.
I then instantly knew I should renounce,
The expression that "emotions are nothing but neurons that bounce,"
They went beyond that as I felt them liquefy,
And threatened to march down my bespectacled eyes.
Was it the resonance of an era gone ?
Or was is it the honesty in the expression you penned down ?
At first I said, "Its a bit of both,"
but now I'm certain its the beauty of the words you wrote.
It was then I saw a contradiction,
"He cannot express?" he says, is out of the question.:)
What a lucky girl she would she have been,
To have a Gibran in the making,
But I believe that people in our lives come as the universe's entourage,
and I hope its from this one, that you get your lion's courage.
Its harder to share,
just a part of the past,
Especially of emotions,
that could not last.
Sharing thus came,
with all of this doubt,
Wouldn't let someone in,
if I wanted to keep them out.
Tears did me in then,
They do me in still,
Its human emotion they say,
Its not a matter of will.
As the unsurpassable Gibran also said,
in his way, profound and deep,
Wisdom ceases to be wisdom,
if it becomes too proud to weep.
Let bygones be bygones,
Its an era thoroughly mulled,
The resonance, The beauty,
The contradiction has been culled.
The entourage of the Universe,
continues unabated,
One hopes to give and get still,
as you perfectly articulated.
They say a broken heart does not mend, it is scarred with a knot,
I feel that even more as you let me in and not shut me out.
I wish I did not use the words to denounce ,
But I can’t help see the contradiction even more pronounced.
Even as you ask me to let the past be,
From the tears the past brings you , I hope to help and set you free.
I can’t promise to suture the scars or wipe the tears
But contain them I will, with two purposes instilled.
Firstly, in the hope that you see in the ‘collection,’
The beauty of those scars and how you braved life’s inflections.
As you start seeing in them how much you have grown,
I then hope you use them to nurture new seeds being sown,
Even as you retain beautiful memories of a time past,
I hope it strengthens you to tread on universe's redesigned paths,
Even if ambiguous and if yet unknown.
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